Thank You, 2014.

[so clap like You mean it let`s make some noise, rise like a phoenix to the open skies, celebrate Your Life]
      - MIIA - Celebrate Your Life






This year I told myself I won`t be writing anything like this. I mean didn`t even tell...I just knew I didn`t want to write anything, wasn`t in the right mood and didn`t really have anything to write about. Well, turns out I do have something...

2014 was not full of events for me, in fact all I did 90% of the whole year was sitting on my butt doing pretty much nothing with my life. That`s true...but also not really true. Due to me leaving my university (in case I haven`t written about it here yet - long story short - it`s a boring place with boring people all over it, I got bored, started skipping, almost got kicked out and finally decided to leave it for good) I got a lot of free time and at first I was aimlessly spending my life on Tumblr and Twitter and Youtube as we, teenagers, tend to do a lot these days, but deep inside in our souls we all know that eventually we get bored on the internet as well, so I finally started doing things I really enjoy and didn`t have much time to do while being a university student. During the year I`ve read a lot of books (something I couldn`t find time for for almost two years), I`ve started learning Spanish and recollecting French (used to learn it in school), I`ve watched a buch of great movies and TV shows (and although it doesn`t seem very educational and a good alternative to a university and comunication with real people in real life, it was useful for me). [here I must add - I don`t encourage people to leave universities to sit home and watch TV shows, that`s not what I`m talking about ;)]. 

So basically I had the opportunity to finally do what I enjoy and what I want and what I thought would help me realize something about this crazy life we all are living. And, funny enough, it did help. 2014 gave me so much great music, so many amazing books, articles, movies, TV shows and inspiring people I`ve lost count! All these things that found their way to me taught me something great and inspired me - Big Time. I`ve learnt SO MUCH. I`ve learnt that you can always turn your pain into something good - into art for example, you can sing, write, paint and draw, dance..you can CREATE something by USING and EMBRACING your pain and your fear and your negative emotions and make them positive ones. I`ve learnt that I`m not alone. I`m not alone feeling depressed sometimes, I`m not alone having anxiety issues and suffering panic attacks, I`m not the only one introvert on this planet, I`m not the only one confused about my future and my career choice, I`m not alone. There are people who have already been through it and succeeded afterwards, there are people who are going through it this very moment, and we all are in this together and we all are gonna find our way, somehow someday. I`ve learnt what kind of person I am, and even though a lot of things can go wrong in my life, I can be happy and peaceful at least withing myself. And I`ve learnt to love and appreciate myself more and to care about myself rather than about what other people think of me. We need to remember we all have the whole wide world inside ourselves and sometimes it`s good to have time in there with no one else around. I`ve learnt what kind of person I want to be. I`ve learnt to forgive and forget and most important - to let go, even when it hurts (still kinda struggle with this one though, but it`s better than it used to be). I`ve lernt not to depend on people much and not to dedicate myself fully to them. I`ve learnt to control myslef more. Basically, I`ve learnt a sh8t load of stuff and I`m thankful for it. Even though I didn`t go out much or didn`t do anything amazing and interesting and intertaining, I cherish this time on my own and I like to feel all this knowledge, it gives me power to go on and inspires me to learn more about myself and the world around.

That`s why I can`t say 2014 was useless and gave me nothing at all. It was useful and helpul. It was the year of learning and I loved it all the way. It wasn`t perfect, but I still wouldn`t change anything about it. So...Thank you, 2014. x

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(I do not own any pictures from this post. All credits go to the owner!)